September 5, 2012
Trusting amidst transition
Trusting is an art which I have not yet mastered.
Transitions are time periods that I loath with all of my being.
True to form, God puts us in situations that we are not comfortable with to help us grow. Naturally, He has let me stay within a time of transition for much longer than I would have chosen to be here. My immediate thought upon writing that last sentence was that I would not have chosen to be in a time of transition at all, but I believe that to be false. I know that transitions are necessary and are good. Transition was needed.
I was not growing.
I was merely maintaining, or trying to.
I needed a change.
Enter transition. Enter time of uncertainty, no plans, no schedule. Enter time of no job and needing to pay student loans. A time which I had promised myself would not ever happen. Ever… again. Yet, here it is (again); mocking me: Your God hasn’t provided for you. No one will ever want to hire you. You aren’t doing anything. Your parents are annoyed that you moved back in with them, they want you to leave. You have a Master’s degree, what are you doing with it? Oh, that’s right: nothing. You aren’t growing in your relationship with God, you’ve actually gone two steps backwards. These thoughts plague me daily.
Yet, somehow, despite the negative thoughts of not being good enough and being a failure, there is peace. I know that while it appears nothing is going well, things are actually being carefully set into place. Trust is slowly being built. Promises are being looked at with a renewed sense of faith.
For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:11-12
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on, Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for y=they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns: yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? … Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “what shall we eat?” or “what shall we drink?” or “what shall we wear?” … For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” ~ Matthew 6:25,30-31, 33-34
O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You known when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar … even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether … How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you … Search me, O God and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:1-2, 17-18, 23-24
These promises (the last two don’t really seem like promises do they? I’ll explain soon) are extremely familiar to me. I have grown up hearing them often. So often that they have become cliché and meaningless. Yet, during this time of transition, I have taken (in great detail) another look at them. So here are a few of my thoughts about these passages during this time of transition:
Jeremiah 29 is a comment about how Israel has once again become captives and exiled to a foreign land. Right now I feel as though I’ve been sent into exile, so I kind of identify with this passage a bit too well. But, this promise is astounding! There is actually more that one, do you see them?
- This is the one everyone sees because it’s on plaques everywhere: God has plans for peace and a hopeful future for me (some versions say prosper instead of peace). God is promising that He knows everything that is happening to me and it is all according to His plan of good for me.
- “I will listen to you:” For a girl who has grown up with 5 siblings that all required attention from the parental figures, this is huge!! I don’t always feel as though I am being heard, by anyone. That the God of the universe, the creator of all promises to hear me and listen to what I say is not only comforting but is a foundation for trust.
- “You will find Me.” I have heard so many people utter the phrases: “I need to find myself” or “there’s just something missing and I don’t know what.” These people, whether they realize it or not, are all looking for something to fulfill them, they are all looking for God. Again, for the God of the universe to promise to be found if you look, is astounding and phenomenal.
Matthew 6: is apart of the Sermon on the Mount. I have a bad habit of worrying about everything. I like to have plans about what I’m going to be doing and when. I don’t like it when these plans have been destroyed (I’m ok with variations and adaptations, but utterly destroyed? NO). Here Jesus is talking about provision. Is there anyone who doesn’t worry about how they are going to provide for themselves or family…ok maybe Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates… but the rest of us? Yeah, we like to know our livelihood will be intact from day-to-day. If for any reason we see a potential threat to that well-being, we worry. The promise here is that God will provide, no matter what. I was listening to a sermon last year and the preacher pointed out that God’s idea of provision and our idea is not the same. There are Christians who go hungry every day, there are Christians who are homeless; how is God providing for them? Honestly, I don’ know. But I do know, that He is: just not in the way we as humans would provide for them. I bolded a the sentence: Are you not of more value than they? I believe God has created me, and just like all of His creation, He looks at me and says “it is good.” He has given me value. It is a greater value than I place on myself. That is the promise that I have pulled from this passage. That to God, I am valuable, and He will fight for me and provide for me (like having my parents welcome me back into their home, rent free).
Psalm 139: The promise I gathered from this passage is very similar to one that I pulled from Jeremiah: God knows me. He has loving and kind thoughts towards and about me. He will lead me to righteousness. Again, God, the Creator of everything, knows each of my thoughts and will take time to search my heart and lead me to where I need to be: amazing and incomprehensible to me.
I realize that this is a very long post, but this is what I’ve been learning the past two month. If you have any questions or comments, I would appreciate hearing them. I would love to hear what you have been learning.
Living in Grace 